Seth Isaac Conner

Born on August 22, 2012 at 12:31p.

8 lbs 8 oz

20.5 inches

  He is such a sweet delight.  So easy going. 

 It's really been as seamless of a transition (so far!) than I could have ever hoped!

"It is good to give thanks to the Lord and to sing praises to Your name, O Most High; To declare Your lovingkindness in the morning and your faithfulness by night...For You, O Lord, have made me glad by what You have done, I will sing for joy at the works of Your hands." Psalm 92: 1, 2, & 4

 (photos courtesy Christen Bordenkircher @ www.christenbphotography.com)

Just a little update

No baby Seth, yet. Induction scheduled for Tuesday, Aug. 21.  Enjoying the time with just two boys at the moment! And, I guess nesting happens if even if you are not pregnant... Luckily, I can do much more at this late stage in the pregnancy than most expectant mothers!

And Baby Makes 5

Yep, you read that right...or maybe you have already heard.  Yes, it's true.  We are expecting our third baby, another boy any day now.  God continues to grow our family in miraculous ways, and we are so thankful for His guidance and mighty hand in our lives.

The back story...

If you remember, several months ago we were contacted about an adoption situation that we eventually had to walk away from.  During that crazy time of decision making and lots of unknowns, we received a call about another baby.  (I know, this really isn't normal.)  The initial phone call wasn't from the bio parents and the information we received was just basically that this person had told this bio family about us...nothing more.  We really didn't think much of it and didn't hear any more one way or the other.  Truth be told, we really didn't want to think about it and didn't have the mental energy to even consider it. We were just trying to deal with the situation at hand and thought this other situation just wasn't for us.  We really forgot about it.  Enter a phone call about a month ago from an adoption agency.  They had received our name from this person who initially contacted us who also knew the birthparents.  The adoption agency wondered if we were interested in adopting a baby...this baby we had heard about several months ago. Well, a little shocked (but not totally shocked), I told them we would need to think about it and asked if we could have a few days to pray and talk it through.  She said of course, but the bio parents really hadn't looked at any other profiles and, basically, were interested in placing with us if we were interested and could create a profile for them to review before they made their final decision. And the baby is due around the end of August. Wow. No pressure there. (But, hey, the time factor really wasn't an issue because we only had 10 days with Machiah...two months was like an eternity!)  So, after much prayer, assessing our ability to care for another child, our desire to grow our family, and receiving wise counsel from our parents we decided that yes, we would be willing (and happy!) to add to our family once again.

Where we are now...

In the last month or so, we have been in consistent contact with the birthparents' adoption agency and have had to apply for the adoption through them.  They have been great.  It has been very nice and a lot less stressful to have a third party handling the difficult issues of questions/concerns and what this will look like as the birthparents desire us to be at the hospital shortly after the birth.  (I am still struggling with what this will look like, but one thing at a time...)  Things are as sure as they can be at this point, but nothing is ever final until the birthmom signs relinquishment papers 24 hours after birth.  The birthmom did want to know if we had a name picked out, so we do get to name him.  The name we have chosen is Seth Isaac.  Seth means "appointed, a subsitute," and we just felt like with what happened with the previous prospective adoption falling through, that God had Seth appointed for our family already.  Isaac means "laughter" - most of the reactions we have received have been a joyful laughter about Seth's arrival...another baby, another boy.

Seth could make his arrival literally any day now, so it's possible the next time you hear from me we could have three kiddos!

We covet your prayers as we continue to prepare our family and as we anticipate the difficult emotions that come with meeting the birthparents shortly after the birth.  As I have mentioned, there are so many mixed emotions when it comes to adoption, and our joy will be mixed with the heartbreaking, yet loving decision the birthparents have made for Seth Isaac.

Thoughts on Adoption

I have been thinking quite a bit about the messiness of adoption and the myriad opinions out there about adoption.  Some people pity us adoptive parents because they automatically assume that for every adoptive parent who has no biological children that adoption was the "plan B" and, maybe we were hoping to get pregnant after we adopted because that's how it works. Haven't you heard about...?  Some people snub their noses at us because, you know, if you just had more faith you wouldn't have to go with "plan B."  Some people think that we are "bandwagoners" and that we jumped on this adoption train because hey, it's the trendy thing to do...Madonna, Brad and Angelina, Sandra Bullock, Charlize Theron, Katherine Heigl (ahem, just to name a few).  Some people praise us and hail us as the "heroes" entertaining notions that we rescued our children from some precarious situation where they just wouldn't have survived without us.  Some people despise us because we are seen as desperate and willing to remove children from their culture and that will surely scar our children forever (side note, yes, I do think culture is important, but I think this argument is very difficult, if not impossible, in many situations).  Some people are just curious and wonder about how our family got to be where we are and ask some pretty outrageous things to ease their questioning minds.

I feel myself "growing up" in respect to all of these positions.  I don't enjoy or appreciate any of these opinions but I try not be defensive when I feel we are misunderstood, type-casted, and questioned in ways that make me cringe.  And, honestly, I am still trying to wrap my head around adoption myself.  Don't get me wrong - I love adoption and am so grateful for its place in our lives.  But, it's a very, very intricate undertaking.  I don't think adoption is for everyone, and I don't look down on or question those who have chosen not to adopt, whether they have biological children or not.  It's an extremely personal decision and you have to be willing to sort through the fear, the questions, the unknowns, the opinions, the ups and downs before you embark on the journey...and that sorting doesn't end.  And it most certainly is a journey.  I can say that I feel differently about adoption than I did when we were preparing to adopt and different when Levi's adoption was completed and different still with Machiah's placement and adoption.  And that's why I feel the need to be more graceful toward others and their opinions about our adoption or adoption in general.  Some people think they have it all figured out.  I certainly don't, and I don't think anyone does, really.  It's too complex of an issue.  All I can do is keep trying to learn and mature and grow through this crazy thing called adoption and continually be amazed at how God has both wrecked and beautified our life because of it.

The Past Five Months

I have tried to write on here on several occasions regarding what I am about to share.  The words and feelings I have tried to convey just haven't felt right as I try to explain what has happened over the last five months. Here goes nothing...

New Year's Day brought some unexpected, albeit exciting, news.  We got another "random" phone call asking if we would be interested in another adoption.  What we knew at the time: the birthmother was due in early June and was considering placing her child for adoption.  Not much else was known at the time.  As we contemplated the possibility of adding a third child in three years, it was a little overwhelming, but I was ready and willing if that was what God had in store for us.  Over the past five months, we talked several times with the birth family.  One phone call would lead us to expect a baby in our home by the end of June, while the next would lead to more questions, concerns, and doubt about how this would exactly unfold.  I believe it was around the middle of January that we found out the baby was a boy.  I tried not to get my hopes up or get too attached to the idea of adding another brother for the boys, but as the months progressed, I found myself hoping and planning for the likelihood of a brood of boys in our home.  It was a little daunting thinking about how I would ever manage to leave the house with Levi's mobility issues, Machiah barely walking, and an infant carrier, but I was ready to try it.  The prospect and joy of adding a sibling for the boys outweighed my concerns.  I knew that if God wanted this baby in our family, He would give me the grace and strength to handle it.

As the due date approached, we began to hear less and less from the family.  We wanted to give them their space, but we also wanted to prepare ourselves and the boys if we were going to parent this baby.  This family wasn't complete strangers to us, so we felt comfortable and encouraged by the family to contact them at any time.  They assured us they were grateful for our commitment to the family and were not bothering them at all.  It's not like we called them every day...not even every week.  We would go several weeks or even a month without a peep from the family.  During those times, I would get anxious the longer it had been that we hadn't talked to them, wondering what was going on in the family, if their were any decisions being made, and wondering about the health of the baby and birthmother.  Obviously, I don't know what it is like to be pregnant and waiting on the delivery. But on this side of things, it is very difficult to have no idea what is going on and to have zero control over the care of the infant growing in the womb.  To think that this baby might be mine and to have a billion questions about how he was growing and being taken care of started to really weigh on me. (It makes me grateful for the way that God worked out our adoptions with Levi and Machiah.  I didn't have to deal with the difficulty of waiting on their birth or the uncertainty of whether they would be "ours".)

The last few times we heard from the family, Nate and my concerns about the whole situation were growing daily.  There were just a lot of "unknowns" and we weren't really sure where the birthparents stood in their decision/desire for us to adopt the baby.  About two or three weeks ago, those feelings and concerns really came to the forefront and we felt like it was best that we choose to walk away from the situation.  Much like our decision to forego infertility treatments, we separately began to feel God making it clear to us that this was not the direction He desired for our family.  I wasn't devastated, but it was difficult to let go of the plans that I had made and the way I envisioned the direction our life was headed with this new little one.  However, I was pretty confident in God's direction, and specifically in Nate's leadership as he clearly was seeking God through this whole process. We were reluctant to make the phone call to the family, though, as we weren't sure how they would take the news.  I also felt guilty about what would end up happening to this baby and about walking away after promising our support with whatever decisions were made.  We had made the decision to "walk away" on a Thursday and decided we would give them a call on the following Saturday.  I had a volunteer opportunity in the morning and we were planning to call later that afternoon.  However, when I returned from volunteering, Nate told me that the birth family had called.  They hadn't left a message.  Immediately, my heart was racing and wondering if the birthmom went into labor and what we would do if that was the case.  We had already made the decision, but my heart was having difficulty following what I knew to be true...this baby wasn't for us.  However, God, in His complete faithfulness and goodness, had already worked every detail out.  As we had been deciding that this was not the right situation for our family, the birthmother had been reconsidering her desire to place her baby for adoption.  They were calling to tell us she was going to parent.

It really is amazing how God worked every detail of this situation out.  I feel like He was so kind in bringing me and Nate to a place where we were more than okay with letting go of this baby.  Had they made the decision to parent a week or two sooner, I think I would have had a much harder time.  Furthermore, He took the decision and the difficulty of explaining our change of heart to the family.  I am pretty sure had we had to make that phone call and they were wanting to place the baby with us, I would have dealt with feelings of guilt and wonder what ended up happening to him and if his situation didn't turn out "well" feeling like we were to blame (although I know that's not true).  All along we had been praying that God's will be done for this baby and that he would be with the family that would be best for him.  I trust God with this baby and know that He has a purpose for this baby boy. He also has a plan for our future and growing our family in His time, and I will just have to be patient for when that time comes for us again.

Re-Posts

I had written this post a week or so ago and never posted it for some reason.  A friend of mine (JP) just posted this link on Facebook.  It is so very similar to the one from a week or so ago here(& below) that I had been thinking about.

http://powerofmoms.com/2012/04/your-children-want-you/

An excerpt:

"There’s something deeper going on in family life than can [n]ever be expressed on a social network. Whatever it is we feel we are lacking, can we collectively decide–as deliberate mothers–that we are not going to sit around feeling discouraged about all the things we’re not?

Can we remind each other that it is our uniqueness and love that our children long for? It is our voices. Our smiles. Our jiggly tummies. Of course we want to learn, improve, exercise, cook better, make our homes lovelier, and provide beautiful experiences for our children, but at the end of the day, our children don’t want a discouraged, stressed-out mom who is wishing she were someone else."

I so connect with what the author is saying.  Sometimes, and I think especially with social media and the blog world, we can get so caught up in what everybody else is doing and feel like we are not enough.  My house isn't as clean, I'm not as frugal, I'm not as creative, my house is not as beautiful, my kids aren't doing as many (none!) cool crafts...the list could go on and on.  But one thing I try to remind myself - God didn't call me to be like any number of these women who write these amazing blogs or come up with the coolest ideas on Pinterest.  He called me to be like Him. Yes, I can gain inspiration and ideas and grow and be challenged through the many ideas I can find on the internet but the minute I begin to feel like I am not measuring up, that's when I need to reexamine where my focus is and who it is on.  It is great to be inspired, but as soon as that inspiration turns to discouragement, discontentment, and frustration it is no longer causing inspiration but sin.  My focus then becomes about me and what I am not, rather than celebrating and cultivating and working toward the gifts that God has given me to use for His glory. Don't let who you aren't paralyze you into fear and frustration and failure, rather be reminded whose you are and let that be your motivation, inspiration, and challenge for growth.

I have been a terrible blogger lately.  I have just had so much on my plate and too much to think about.  Trying to process it all on my own is something I barely have time for, let alone share it with you.  I did want to quickly update you on our second trip to Riley this week.  We went down to talk about the possibility of getting Levi a wheelchair, and it looks like that is going to be the way we go.  The more I think about it, the more excited I get for him.  One of the myriad of reasons we feel like this is the right decision is that it is just not fair to him to not be eye level with his peers.  For instance, right now at church, he is in a nursery with 1 and 1.5 y/o.  I don't like it, but putting him in his age group nursery would be somewhat dangerous for him with the other kids running around.  In the nursery he is in, he is able to be on the floor and have access to more toys than he would in the other nursery.  This has bothered me for quite some time, but there was really no good way to solve it.  It is very hard when you see your friend's children who are younger or even the same age going into classes that your child should be in.  (Have I said that before?) Next week I am going to be meeting with the director of our children's department to talk about what we can do to get Levi in a more age-appropriate setting.

All that to say...I think the wheelchair will be a great tool for Levi.  When we went to Riley to talk about it and try some out, he really did seem to enjoy it.  I think it's very similar to the gait trainer - he enjoys being up and having the freedom to play like other kids.  He is very proud of himself in his gait trainer, and it seemed to be the same way for the wheelchair.

There are a couple of different chairs we are looking at - a rigid chair (doesn't fold up) called the Tilite Twist and a collapsible chair - the Quickie.  A quick run-down of the positives for each chair:

Tilite:
- Levi is small for his age and this is the only one with his seat length.
- It fits in the van (with the double stroller) without having to fold up or take the wheel off and is smaller than the Quickie
- It has a little bit sportier look than the Quickie (I know, kind of silly)

Quickie:
- It has the option of having one-hand drive wheels, meaning that Levi could potentially steer with his right hand and right wheel only.  It's a double tubing that he would have to learn to manipulate but something that's possible none-the-less.

I think we are definitely leaning towards one over the other, but we will be talking to Levi's therapists this next week to see what their opinions are and make sure we aren't missing something in these options or another wheelchair we don't know about.

That's the big stuff going on right now in the not-so-quick update.  Now it's off to wrangle two toddlers!